none of this is real


I was born in a small village that no longer exists. My parents were simple peasants with few aspirations. Their goals included not dying from disease, and not being pillaged by invading fiefs, or tyrannical lairds.

Not finding the local talent especially appealing, I was destined for spinsterhood when I caught the eye of a traveling knight on his way to fight in the crusades. It was a whirlwind romance based on a well-founded mortal fear battle, familial pressure, and sexual frustration.

He never returned, and we never married. I resigned myself to a pastoral life. Things grew increasingly strained between me and the villagers when I conspicuously failed to die on one too many occasions. The black death wiped out most of the more suspecting among them, but it wiped out everyone else, too.

I fled across various parts of the world after accusations of witchcraft. From there, I attempted to enjoy the enlightenment, which was rather difficult when they were busy burning people for witchcraft in the self-same century.

I eventually made my way (over some 200 years or so – I never do anything particularly quickly, except flee), to America, and have puttered around since then, avoiding accusations of all manner of whimsical fuckery.

Since then, I’ve done a good job of keeping a low profile and keeping up with the times, more or less. This site is a collection of memories and stories from my various misadventures.

noteworthy events



in a small village to illiterate peasants.



to a knight!



knight goes off to fight in a lesser, (but more foolhardy), crusade. does not return.


Dark Times

watches everyone around die from black death.



of being a witch. would have been found guilty, too, but mysteriously disappeared.